How Lori Gottlieb Triggered My Inadequacies

I recently read and absolutely loved the book Maybe you Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb.  It is a funny, vulnerable, moving, and thought provoking memoir that interweaves her experience as a therapist and her own journey in therapy with existential questions about life, grief, love, and loss.


I’ve been a therapist for nearly 20 years, and I generally feel pretty confident about my work.  But when I read this book, I questioned how I show up with clients, my therapeutic style, ways maybe I play it too safe, etc.  I thought about how I do things and reminded myself of why I do them that way and that it's okay for us to do things differently and still both have value and impact.


The case studies she shares in the book are inspiring examples of what’s possible when someone goes to therapy.  Reading them, I started comparing the transformations I see with my clients with what she describes.  I again questioned my work.  I had to remind myself that she is surely sharing her most compelling stories and that she’s not sharing the stories of cases that didn’t go as well.     


I also remind myself of the amazing transformations I HAVE witnessed over the years.  I think therapists and coaches and healers, especially those who’ve been doing it for a long while, can have a tendency to take the miracles and transformation we see on a regular basis for granted.  It’s easy to forget or undervalue the impact we’re making.   


My feelings of inadequacy were relatively minor.  But when I notice myself feeling even just TWINGES of jealousy or comparing myself to someone else, I try to use that as a springboard for growth.  I choose to believe feelings of jealousy or inadequacy when comparing myself to other people is an indicator that what they have (or some version of it) is possible for me.


So instead of getting sucked into feelings of inadequacy, I used the book and my inner curiosity and inquiry as inspiration.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve been taking more therapeutic risks.  I challenged myself in places I’ve been playing it safe.  It took courage, but good things came from it, including receiving a completely unexpected letter of appreciation!


I invite you to think about someone who triggers feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in you.  Think about what it is they get to have that you want—maybe validation, attention, feeling special or loved, etc. What small (or big) action you can take to move toward that?

I made a live video talking more about this topic in my Facebook community for therapists, coaches, healers, and wellness practitioners who want to create more abundance, success, and empowerment. Click here to come on over and join us!   

Creating Balance and Joy Through the Holiday Season

Check out the video I made on this topic, here:

While there are definitely things I enjoy about the holiday season (my Pandora Christmas station is one of my great life pleasures!), I have an inner Grinch-y part that doesn’t like the extra stress, pressure, and overwhelm that can happen this time of year.  

I’m consciously working on stressing less this season so I can be more present to enjoy the magic and festivities with friends and family. 


Here’s some of the things I’m focusing on in order to get the most out of this time of year.  I’m sharing in hopes that they’ll be helpful to you too.


Eat well!  I recently heard that most people gain 5-15 pounds between Halloween and New Years Day.  Yikes!  With all the extra parties and gatherings that involve holiday treats, it is my intention to think of food as fuel and stay away from foods that don’t serve me nutritionally.  If I know certain foods “zap” me of energy, I want to make different choices, so I will have the energy I want to get stuff done and enjoy the people I love.


Move your body!  With all the extra things on the schedule and to do list, it’s easy for exercise to get moved towards the bottom of the priority list.  But we know that exercise improves our mood and energy.  It doesn’t have to be a big event.  Twenty minutes is better than nothing. Just keep it on the priority list! No excuses.


Get the sleep your body needs.  With everything going on, it can be harder to get the rest we need.  Plus, party foods and beverages and relying on extra caffeine can all impact our sleep quality.  Be mindful of things that get in the way of a good night’s sleep, so you can have the energy and well-being to get things done and enjoy the season.


Safeguard your schedule.  This time of year, our schedules can start bursting at the seams!  Being conscious of this can help us be more forward-thinking in order to create balance.  If on top of your normal work and home duties, you have two band concerts and a dance recital and company coming into town all in one week, can you find some down time for yourself somewhere?  Finding a way to carve out just 20-30 minutes of intentional down time can help.

For many of us, our time is our most precious commodity.  Think about how you really want to spend your time and energy.   It’s ok to say no to things, even fun things, to maintain your sanity and your inner peace.  


Prioritize the work you most want to get done.  There’s so many extra things going on during this time, that it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.   What are the most important things you want to focus on? What do you want to get done to feel good about how you finish out the year?  What steps do you need to take to ensure you make the progress you’d like to make?  Think about your 2020 goals and think about what you can do to set yourself up for success now.  Find ways to take action that make sense for you.  Then celebrate yourself for the actions you take!


Set reasonable expectations (adjust expectations as needed) and give yourself permission to be okay with that.  So many of us set unreasonable expectations for what we can do during this time period.  I love my focused productive time and getting things done, and I don’t like the disappointment I feel if I don’t get as much as I want done.  And this time of year, with everything going on, I need to be extra conscious of my expectations of myself so I don’t get disappointed if I don’t get to it all.  If I give myself permission to just say, “Okay, I’m not going to get as much done as I typically would,” I’ll be much happier and saner and more able to enjoy and be truly present with the things that matter most to me.


Make time for fun and people you love! Enjoy them!  In all the hustle and bustle or our schedule and to do list, we can forget to make time for truly being present with and enjoying time with the people we love.  Being intentional about creating quality time will help us be more present and enjoy the season more.


Let me know your thoughts.  What are your biggest challenges in maintaining balance this time of year?  What do you do to maintain or create balance?